September 10th, 2011

Yellow Brick Road

Remembering 09/11/01

I know this is a day early, but I've been thinking about this, all week.  And I feel the need to talk about it, because I don't think I've ever really been able to get all my feelings out.

I remember, exactly where I was when the Towers were struck. 

I was in my Freshmen year of high school.  I was in first hour, which was band.  I was in Pep Band (because I failed to memorize the music for marching band).  I don't remember what we were practicing, but the Pep Band director, was yelling at the trumpet players, about using their middle fingers.  And we all thought this was the funniest thing.  So, we didn't hear what was said over the intercom when the principal announced it, because of the giggling and the yelling.  So when we got dismissed from class for the break between 1st and 2nd hour, I was confused why everyone was upset.  And when I got to 2nd hour Algebra, I saw the TV on, and saw the smoke coming from the top of the WTC's, I thought it was a chimeny stack.  And I was really confused, still.  And then the camera panned out, and I saw what was going on.  I was still confused, and didn't understand.  When the buldings fell, and the plane crashed in the Pennslvayna field, and the plane crashed into the Pentagon, I was sad.  At first.  And then I got angry.  For awhile, I was just mad.  That someone could come in, and just try to crush us.  To hurt us.  I was so mad.  I just didn't understand.  Of course I didn't completely understand.  I still don't completely understand.  It still baffles me.  It seems to be more than Pearl Harbor.  It's more than the OKC bombings.  I...I don't know. 

I put it in the back of my mind.  It'd be a year, and I went, "Oh, it's been a year.  I'm sad." and then two, and then three, and four, and five, and six, and seven, and eight, and nine.  And I just kind of was like "Oh, it's the anniversary, that's nice".  I guess, I just thought of it.  But never really thought about it.  I knew people lost their lives.  But I never thought about the pepole, that saved other peoples lives.  I mean, other than the police, the firefighters, and EMTs.  You know?  The other workers in the Towers that helped the others down the stairs.  And the men and women on Flight 93, that took control of the plane before it crashed.  And the people in the Pentagon.  Those things never really came to my mind.  You know?  And I honor those people, that risked their lives for everyone else.  The courage that took.  It just astounds me.

I'm still somewhat angry.  But, it's not how I was right after it happened. But, I think after it happened, our country came together.  And I think we felt a sense of pride in ourselves.  And, I think, that we're a strong country.  That we should have pride in our country.  I do have pride.

It's weird.  This year it's just affecting me more than I thought.  And it's weird.  Really weird.  I don't know.  It's so surreal.  I just don't know what to feel.  But...I guess it's had more effect on me, than I thought.  Now that it's had time to just sit with me, and stew.  It's the weirdest feeling ever.  You know?

I don't know.  But I'm sad and a little mad.  But mostly sad. 

It's just a strange feeling.

But, I want to take a moment, and I just want to honor, and give thanks, to the many men and women who risked their lives and lost their lives on that day.  Thank you.  You'll remain in our hearts and minds forever.

And, I really don't think we can ever forget.
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