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Healing and grieving is a slow process.  But, it's a day by day process.  And it's hard and I hate it.

Today was a step forward though in my healing process.  For the first time since last Monday, I haven't cried.  Is that a good thing?  I don't know.  But I think it means I'm healing.  I hope it does.  Doesn't mean I didn't want to cry today though.  I've been wanting to cry so bad today.  But I am so karking SICK of crying and having red eyes and a splotchy face.  I hate it so much.  But as much as I hate it, it's part of the healing process too I guess.

I'm trying to not be sad.  Because I know my grandma doesn't want me to be sad.  So, I'm trying to be strong and find happy things amongst my sadness.  It's really hard though.

And I'm sorry for continuing to post stuff about my grandma.  I know how annoying it must be to constantly read about it.  I'm just trying to heal though.

I'm gonna try and get some sleep

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